Last night, from Minnesota to Micronesia, a distant noise was audible – the sound of the British music industry furiously slapping itself on the back.

The BRITs 2013 took place last night at London’s O2, and, as usual, it was an infuriating, insipid and intermittently entertaining shindig. The big winner was the ubiquitous Emeli Sandé, bagging Best British Female and Best British Album. Frank Ocean secured Best International Male, shouting out Damian Hirst in his acceptance speech, and Adele won Best British Single for her Skyfall Theme.

Devon singer-songwriter Ben Howard bagged a pair of awards, including Best British Male, and The Black Keys were named Best International Group. Coldplay, as tends to happen at these things, were awarded the Best British Live Act Award. Intirguingly, there was also some correspondence between the FACT Alternative BRITs and the real ceremony: Lana Del Rey scooped Best International Female, and Beneath was named Best British Newcomer (Beneath wasn’t named Best British Newcomer). Performances came from the likes of Taylor Swift, Robbie Williams and a suited’n’booted Justin Timberlake.

Awards:
Critics’ Choice – Tom Odell
British Female Solo Artist – Emeli Sande
British Breakthrough – Ben Howard
British Group – Mumford & Sons
Best Male Solo Artist – Ben Howard
Best Live Act – Coldplay
International Female Solo Artist – Lana Del Rey
International Group – The Black Keys
Best British Single with Capital FM – Adele, ‘Skyfall’
International Male Solo artist – Frank Ocean
British Album Of The Year – Emeli Sande, ‘Our Version Of Events’
BRITs Global Success – One Direction