Like Moths to a (Waka Flocka) Flame: in search of the worst trap remixes on the internet

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There is already a trap remix of Daft Punk’s new single ‘Get Lucky’ doing the rounds.

That’s right – a single that not only isn’t out yet, but has only been available to hear through fan-shot footage of a trailer video from a festival, and which the whole damn point of seems to be to bring a bit of organic ’70s and ’80s session musician soul back to electronic music, has been trapped out. Turnt up. Whatever you want to call it. This is the world that we live in.

Honestly, we’re not snobs when it comes to this sort of thing. Some of the best dance music ever made has been unlicensed bootlegs, and there will always be room for big dumb festival bangers (just ask Joe Muggs). There’s always gonna be room for big dumb unlicensed trap bootlegs, when they’re done well. But unfortunately, just as with electro in 2006 and Mt Eden in 2010, the phrase “trap remix” in 2013 is synonymous with a particularly leechy method of trying to get big off someone else’s work – and that’s before you get into the whole culture reappropriation issues with using the term. It’s music with no long term goal behind some Soundcloud plays; thief music, as Lee Gamble might put it. The sort of music that we probably shouldn’t publicise, and certainly should be bigger than poking fun at. But we’re gluttons for punishment at FACT, and like moths to a (Waka Flocka) flame, we spent the first half of this week trawling the internet’s trap underbelly for the very worst examples of this phenomenon. Here’s the best – well, worst – of what we found.

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Daft Punk – ‘Get Lucky’
(Drgoo’s ‘Daft Gets Trapped’ Remix)

In Drgoo’s words, “I fixed a few levels, changed a snare, and added a Hey!” – that’s the motto.

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Disclosure – ‘Latch’
(Northie’s Latch on the Trap Remix)

“Support on Diplo & Friends (BBC Radio1 Xtra) by Mike Posner”.

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Rhythim Is Rhythim – ‘Strings of Life’
(E-Zoom’s Trap Shit Remix)

For when Derrick May’s snares – on one of dance music’s definitive anthems, no less – just aren’t compressed enough.

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Justin Timberlake – ‘Suit & Tie’
(The Melker Project’s Suit & Trap Mix)

The man synonymous with the pop creativity of the early ’00s returns; gets some 808 snares and those same damn heys chucked over the top. Way more “why?” than “why not?”

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Beethoven – ‘Moonlit Sonata’
(J Dot Tee’s Trap Remix)

Less for the actual track – let’s face it, this guy’s far from the first to sample some well-known classical music and chuck some preset drums underneath – more for his YouTube channel, where he titles everything with artist names like Lex Lugar and Southside to trick people into giving him hits. It’s worked, too: ‘Trap-ical Ocean’ over here is sitting pretty on 30 views.

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Aphex Twin / Hardrive – ‘Vordhosbn’ / ‘Deep Inside’
(We!Are!Your!Friends! Remix)

Take the paranoid atmosphere of Aphex Twin’s ‘Vordhosbn’. Take the vocals from Harddrive’s house classic ‘Deep Inside’. Add trap. Profit? Probably not.

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Imogen Heap – ‘Hide & Seek’
(Kaz’s ‘Hide & Boss’ Remix)

She’s The Based World’s original muse, and Imogen Heap’s 2005 vocoder ballad ‘Hide & Seek’ still sounds like a quiet masterpiece. But nothing that can’t be bettered by adding trance synths and samples of Rick Ross (saying “boss”) and Lil Wayne (saying “bitch”), right? “Their timbres compliment Imogen Heap beautifully”, Kaz tells us. Plus points for the title.

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Hypertrap – Various

Hypertrap makes this list on account of being 100% dumb, but definitely doesn’t deserve your scorn. Somewhere in Los Angeles (or maybe just Russia), someone is trapping out the back catalogue of Kode9’s Hyperdub label, piece by piece. Even the track titles and artwork aren’t safe – Burial’s ‘Truant’ becomes ‘Turnt’, and anything that can be replaced by a picture of a UZ is. This is what the internet exists for, basically.

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