Kelis – ‘Rumble’

Chris Kelly: Kelis has always been ahead of the curve for better (her Neptunes-produced albums) or worse (Flesh Tone), which is why it’s a touch disappointing to hear her go retro, no matter how good she sounds. (5)

John Twells: As good as this is (and it is good), I can’t help but wish Kelis was back in futurist mode with zippy electronic backdrops and the Neptunes in tow. Don’t get me wrong, ‘Rumble’ is a good tune, but it doesn’t excite me in the same way that Kaleidoscope did. (6)

Joe Muggs: Much more like it. Suits her voice, lotsa hooks, good lyric, absolutely spanking snare sound, what’s not to like? Nobody mention Macy Gray, right? (7)

Josh Hall: I still have high hopes for Food, but this is just too redolent of Paolo Nutini. Also, the whole thing feels like it’s about to fall over – her vocal keeps slipping between ‘loose’ and the place marked ‘just a bit out of time’. (6)

6 

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Mariah Carey – ‘You’re Mine’

Josh Hall: The high note at the end of this is worth the entry price alone, but the whole thing is a pitch perfect combination of ‘90s diva heartbreak pop and the frosted-window production that’s so dominant. The video is worth a watch too, if only as evidence that, somewhere, the late-‘90s major label visual aesthetic was cryogenically frozen and continues to be reanimated every couple of years. (8)

John Twells: It’s not exactly breaking any new ground, but who cares? Mariah’s sounding re-energized and the production is subtly innovative. That Mike Will-influenced synth pattern? Yeah I’m a cheap date. (7)

Joe Muggs: Well the “naked boobs, ah they’re behind an arm, oh now behind the other arm, oh wait now they’re behind the chair” stuff in the video is like a bit like ‘Naked Practice’ off the old Armstrong & Miller show isn’t it? And the filter sweep before the chorus cracks me up, though, as it reminds me on the bit in the title sequence of Australian Masterchef: The Professionals when it cuts to Bonny, the hearing-impaired contestant, and zooms in on her hearing aid while the title music goes all muffled. So lols galore. Song’s good, though: lovely, luxurious – proper Mariah slow jam. (7)

Chris Kelly: Even an understated, love-damaged Mariah Carey is more powerful than most of her peers, and a pro like Darkchild knows when to be subtle and when to go big. (6)

7

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Throwing Snow – ‘The Tempest’

Joe Muggs: Triffic. There’s something going on with this new sort of muscular pagan folktronica-psychetronica-whatevertronica – this sits very nicely alongside the best of the Holden album and various Stott / Demdike bits. Music to have witchy sex to. (8)

Josh Hall: The vocal delivery here puts me immediately in mind of Emika, which is never a bad thing. The whole ominous-goings-on-in-the-deep-sea aesthetic is pretty played out by now, but this is expertly constructed enough to feel new. (6)

John Twells: Trip hop, is that you? (5)

6.3

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ZMoney – ‘Dope Boy Magic’

Joe Muggs: That’s like a grime devil mix! Amazing, devilish voice too. All round pretty evil, really, if lacking in imagination. (5)

John Twells: This is just ridiculous, operating in a similar zone as the club destroying ‘O.G. Bobby Johnson’ but taking its skeletal minimalism even further. For starters there are no hi-hats, it’s just an overdriven bass hit and then silence, with ZMoney’s metallic slurs filling in the gaps. Incredibly, this wasn’t even his only killer single this week. (9)

Chris Kelly: This one is just a treat, between ZMoney’s expressive rasp and easy lyricism and J Neal’s sparse, whitespace-embracing beat. He’s one to watch in a crowded scene, and he knows it: “I’m a muthafuckin’ star / they John Does.” (8)

Josh Hall: It’s a truism that the simplest things are the most effective, but that seems to be really borne out here. There are so few elements, but the combination of breathy-then-screechy vocal and filter sweep bass is really satisfying. (8)

7.5

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Hayfever (DJ Champion) – ‘Ground Collapse’

Josh Hall: Like the sound of a 20-storey cat crying, slowed down 900%. (7)

John Twells: Hayfever is nothing to joke about, for real, but I can just about excuse Champion ‘cause this track knocks. It’s bass over everything, really – the beat just seems to be there as a placeholder, allowing the gigantic, looming marshmallow wobbles to take over entirely. Bang on. (8)

Joe Muggs: This is gas-huffing music right? Certainly sounds like it. It’s brilliant. Someone should do a musicological analysis of the history of those “hollow” sounding gloopy bass tones in British music; Champion’s basslines always make me think of this – which is (oh god) 22 years old… Anyway, it’s great, he’s great, hooray for everything, and pass that balloon. (8)

7.7

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Shlohmo & Jeremih – ‘No More’  

Chris Kelly: Who could ever guessed that the kid behind ‘Birthday Sex’ would be this open to noisy left-field production? Drop the damn EP! (7)

John Twells: I know these two have an EP in the works but can someone let them know that they really need to expand it into a proper full length. Jeremih’s voice blends so well with Shlohmo’s icy electronics it feels like the stars aligning, and ‘No More’ never ever lurches into the kind of empty emotionless drivel we had to endure on The Weeknd’s last full-length. (8)

Joe Muggs: This makes me feel nauseous and itchy at the same time. Not a great combination. (3)

Josh Hall: Shlohmo’s contribution a couple of weeks ago was possibly my least favourite track of the year so far. This is obviously much better, but it’s still way wide of the Late Nights mark. Jeremih is at his best for me when he’s at his brashest. The beta male camp is full. There’s no more room. (5)

5.8

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Buck 22 & Billy Ray Cyrus – ‘Achy Breaky 2’  

Josh Hall: The Jacob’s Cream Cracker knock-offs in Lidl are called Snacky Cracky, and I can only presume that “Achy Breaky” was named in their honour. Just like Snacky Cracky products, Billy Ray Cyrus doesn’t seem to be aware of his own intrinsic comedy value. (1)

John Twells: In case you were all wondering, Buck 22 is actually the son of Dionne Warwick. And you all thought Miley was trolling. (0)

Joe Muggs: No, I’m not going to give it zero points, sorry – it’s sick, it’s wrong, it’s gruesome, but it’s genuinely funny and the production values on the track and the video both are kind of astounding. In my fevered imagination this is the climactic scene of the sadly never-made ‘Seriously, Dude, Where’s my Car?’. (5)

Chris Kelly: Life’s too short. (0)

1.5

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Final scores:

Hayfever – ‘Ground Collapse’ (7.7)
ZMoney – ‘Dope Boy Magic’ (7.5)
Mariah Carey – ‘You’re Mine’ (7)
Throwing Snow – ‘The Tempest’ (6.3)
Kelis – ‘Rumble’ (6)
Shlohmo & Jeremih – ‘No More’ (5.8)
Buck 22 & Billy Ray Cyrus – ‘Achy Breaky 2’ (1.5)

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