Veterans will tell you that their annual Pilton pilgrimage is a task akin to painting the Forth Bridge.

With stages coming and going each year as the 900-acre site mutates and regenerates, there’s absolutely no hope of seeing everything the festival has to offer – every time you tick one of the 50-odd stages off, another sprouts in it place. In recent years the off-piste offerings have become almost overwhelming, with the sprawling fantasia of Shangri-La competing for your attention with post-apocalyptic soundsystems, gargantuan mechanical spiders, kamikaze karaoke, underground shebeens and 24-hour table football, not to mention the potentially ruinous ‘brownies’ being hawked in the Stone Circle.

But the upshot is that while the bigger stages are largely populated by XFM guff and vintage cornballery, a more exciting, unpredictable and mind-altering festival is always at hand – you just have to throw away the first half of the programme and go where Lauren Laverne fears to tread. Here’s what to see at Glastonbury 2014 to make it one to remember.


GO TO A BOAT PARTY

Strictly a warm weather pursuit really, but there’s a massive fuck-off boat docked outside the Wow! Stage in Silver Hayes where your hosts valiantly attempt to bring a bit of Croatian beach party chic to the Somerset Levels every afternoon. On Friday you can kick off a weekend of Jackmaster spotting with the Numbers party, while on Saturday it’s Toddla T with Redlight and pals followed by Aus Music on Sunday with Will Saul, Bicep and more.

 
DESPACIO

If you’ve not yet had a chance to soak up one of the world’s slickest sound systems – an experience hailed by FACT’s own Joe Muggs as “monumental” and “transcendent” in his Sonar report – get thee to Silver Hayes at once, where James Murphy and Soulwax’s 50,000-watt rig will occupy its own bespoke tent. Expect long queues, refined selections and many shiny disco balls.

 
TEKLIFE

Best five-in-a-row of the weekend goes to the indestructible Glade Stage, home of all things glitchy, ambient and UV-enhanced, where the regular crusty brigade are interrupted on Saturday evening by the Radiophonic Workshop, Dick Mills’ 21st century reboot of the BBC’s pioneering electronic music department (5.30pm) and art provocateur-turned-audiovisual showman Dinos Chapman (6.30pm). Best of all, Teklife dons DJ Spinn and Taso will bring some premium footwork to the floor accompanied by dance crew The Era – wellies will not be accepted (7.55pm). For afters, Machinedrum picks up the juke thread in a live set (8.55pm) while electronica kingpin Jon Hopkins rounds off the session with his clean-cut euphoria (10.10pm).

 
THE BEAT HOTEL

Pro tip! If you find yourself moored at the Pyramid Stage while your mates insist on setting up their camping chairs for Elbow, dive into The Beat Hotel for respite and buttermilk pancakes. Seth Troxler, Four Tet, Jackmaster and Tiga are on hand with the tunes – check at the venue for listings. Also a handy pitstop in case of rain.

 
SUN RA ARKESTRA

West Holts is the most reliably tasteful of the major stages, representing music from all eras and continents – reggae, jazz, soul, Afrobeat, disco, hip hop and all manner of global sounds – so it’s an ideal place to park up for the afternoon if you’re feeling frazzled. This year’s best bits include Goldfrapp (Saturday, 8pm) and a Friday afternoon double whammy with rebooted hip hop supergroup Deltron 3030 (2.30pm) followed by the unstoppable cosmic force that is the Sun Ra Arkestra, led by 90-year-old jazz wizard Marshall Allen (4pm).

 
BLOCK9

Radical design duo are behind the post-apocalyptic fantasia in this patch of the South-East Corner, where you’ll find some of the best DJs of the weekend. London Underground is a decaying tower block with a tube train bursting through the fifth floor (dBridge, Youngsta and more are on the bill) while the outdoor Genosys stage hosts legends from throughout dance music history, including Lil Louis (Friday, 1am), DJ Pierre (Saturday, 1am) and Francois K (Sunday, 1am). Don’t miss David Morales and singer Robert Owens paying tribute to Frankie Knuckles (Thursday, 9pm) inside NYC Downlow, a ruined tenement where disco, vintage house and funk are the order of the day.