Nul points.
The Eurovision 2017 circus rolls into town on May 13, taking place in Kiev after Ukraine won 2016’s contest with the song ‘1944’ performed by Jamala. But what of the British hopefuls?
The UK’s shortlisted UK Eurovision entries have been unveiled by the BBC today (January 24) and fans have pointed out on Twitter that all six hopefuls are in fact former X-Factor contestants.
The shortlist includes Holly Brewer, who performed for the X-Factor judges in 2015, and Selena Mastroianni, who appeared on the show in 2012. Danyl Johnson and Lucie Jones were both contestants in the 2009 series, while contestants Olivia Garcia and Nate Simpson were on the show in 2015. None of the six ever won, although two of them did make it to the live shows.
Check out the beige acts repping the UK below and remind yourself of the best Eurovision song in recent years – Loreen’s dizzying euro-trance banger ‘Euphoria’.
Olivia Garcia – ‘Freedom Hearts’
With eerie echoes of Donald Trump’s apocalypse-heralding clan Freedom Girls, Olivia Garcia’s ‘Freedom Hearts’ is bland overblown pop at its worst. But she’s only 16, so we’re reserving our judgment.
https://twitter.com/bbceurovision/status/823467849977135104?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Holly Brewer – ‘I Wish I Loved You More’
Holly Brewer’s entry is much of the same Radio 1 B-list fare, but with a bouncy chorus that *almost* glimpses a belter.
https://twitter.com/bbceurovision/status/823474432790450176?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Lucy Jones – ‘I Will Never Give Up On You’
Another overly emoshe song title from an X-Factor reject – this time it’s Lucy Jones – who came fifth in 2006.
https://twitter.com/bbceurovision/status/823483036859858944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Danyl Johnson – ‘Light Up The World’
There’s a little more groove to this one from 2009 finalist Danyl Johnson, but mainly it sounds like a Take That B-side. He is the bookies’ favourite to win.
https://twitter.com/bbceurovision/status/823489841157599232?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Salena Mastroianni – ‘I Don’t Want to Fight’
This one from 2012 contestant Salena Mastroianni comes with an anti-war message about nuclear disarmament, which you can’t really argue with.
Our next #EurovisionYouDecide song is 'I Don't Wanna Fight' sung by @salenamusic pic.twitter.com/WyPbMCTuNt
— BBC Eurovision (@bbceurovision) January 23, 2017
‘Nate Simpson – What Are We Made Of?’
Last, but not least, is this ‘soaring’ piano ballad from last year’s contestant Nate Simpson, who picked Snow Patrol/Leona Lewis’ ‘Run’ as his audition song. Nuff said.
https://twitter.com/bbceurovision/status/823499315276640256?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
You can hear all of the entries in their full boring glory over at the BBC site.
The UK’s Eurovision contestants will be selected from 7.30pm this Friday (January 27) on BBC2’s ‘You Decide’ contest, which will air live from London’s Eventim Apollo.
